Really need Help!!! Please give your input!!!

I have to say, I'm pretty depressed with my whole spanking situation.  I read in Newsweek that more and more people are turning to Blogging to discuss their problems, so here it goes.  I started this Blog over a year ago for the same reason.  I tried to keep a upbeat tone and be optomistic about my particular situation but now I'm becoming more realilistic..... Pestomistic.

  I'm married to a great woman but spanking is not in her vocab.   If I make a huge ordeal of how much it means to me and how important it is for my soul,  she will listen and give an occasional spanking but in a week it is forgotten about and never brought up.  If I brig it up to much she get angry. The message has become loud and clear.... just be quiet and pretend it does not exist.  I think she hopes it will just go away if  its never brought up.  

Day after day, I try to bury my feelings and keep it to myself, so I dream about it at night, think about it a good portion of the day and when I really get desperate try self-spanking.  This always leaves me feeling more empty and frustrated.  I have never cheated on her and never will. I know she would freak out if another woman gave me a spanking...... so again I'm stuck with nothing.  

Sometimes I walk around Wal-Mart or the Grocery store and see a mom with kids trailing and wonder if she is a "spanker"  First let me preface this story with "I'm not into spanking children or advocate the spanking of a child".  I just wonder if the mom is a "spanker"  and also wonder how does she spank, with her hand, or a hairbrush, over her knee or lying on the bed?  Then the question goes through my head; if I asked some random Mom "For $200.00 dollars would you give me a spanking" What would happen, seriously, is it worth trying? My luck I would be thrown in jail.

I wish I could find a local theropist the specializes in spanking, someone who understands. 

Please give me some feedback..... I'm a mess and not feeling this situation is or could get any better.  I know I'm not alone..... their is someone out there smarter than I am that has figured out the answer..... Please Help!!!!!!!!  Thanks in advance.